I recently started a new job in a place where new people come along every 20 years or so; as a result, most of them are about 20 years my senior. On the first day I didn’t really know what to expect (aside from a lot of old(er) people) and had a bucket load of questions. Were they going to like me? Were they going to give me all the jobs no one else wanted to do? Who would I hang out with a lunch time? It all worked out though; the people are nice, I do all sorts round the office, and (thankfully) someone my age started on the same day and we pretty much stick together.

But one thing that I’d never really anticipated, and was a complete shock to my system, was the brutality of the “office gossip”. The everyday girl gossip at college that I’d grown accustomed to tuning out with great efficiency (conversation surrounding bad clothes/hair/boyfriend never really appealed to me) seemed harmless compared to mud-slinging matches between these mature, adult, professionals. Unfortunately, it isn’t only women- as stereotypes would lead you to expect, I found that the men were just as lethal.

Perhaps what’s most frightening is how easy it is to be drawn into gossiping, without even realising. It can start with anything… “have you heard about Rick?”, “have you seen the new seating plan?”, “there’s a restructure happening” and before you know it, you’ve found out that Rick’s wife’s brother-in-law was arrested, Shelly’s been put next to the loo because she has control issues, and that slob who everyone hates is being promoted. Before I chipped in I reminded myself of my mum’s chastisements; “if you’ve nothing good to say then don’t”. This is also an advice for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as it is narrated by Abu Huraira in Sahih Bukhari “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet”

I’ve thought of a few tips on how to avoid backbiting or gossiping with others

• 1. Don’t ever do it yourself. You might not be able to control what other people say, but you can control your own tongue. It’s a life skill we’ll be grateful for “on the day when [our] tongues … shall bear witness against [us] as to what [we] did” (24:24), and it generally makes us nicer people.
• 2. If you’re around when someone is backbiting then you’re silently tolerating it, so should someone around you gossips then either
  • o Walk away
  • o Change the subject
  • o Tell them you’re not comfortable talking about someone
  • o Reply “Oh, I’d not heard that. Let’s go ask them about it, no?” (That’ll shut them up)
• 3. Don’t hang around with people who like to backbite or gossip. You are influenced by the company you keep and if you’re not, you’ll definitely be associated with them. So even if you don’t gossip, people will still think you do.

Remember “Do not despair of God’s mercy; He will forgive you of all your sins” (39:53) “And He wishes to forgive you” (4:146)